Just an average Saturday :)

Well today has just been an average Saturday.

Madi went to stay the night with Jessica after the ballgame last night.  She came home today homesick.  She gets that way these days... she was actually missing ME and I was sure missing her!  I say ME in all caps because she's a Daddy's girl all the way!

Sarah has been baking while Hannah has been playing.

Hannah has wanted spaghetti every night this week so tonight her Daddy is making her spaghetti.  She keeps asking constantly if it is ready.

Today she wore her favorite dress that was given to her by her friend Ashley.

She's doing her own pose, lol, so cute!!!  :)

OK so I think she's fabulous like her sisters.  She has my eyes... but the rest of her is a total combination of her Daddy and me.  :)  She got each of our best features.

We are planning to go home for a visit this summer (probably July) and staying from like Friday- Monday.  There are only a few on my list I want to see but I DO want to see them.  I hope the finances work out where we can do this.  We will stay at my best friend's house back home.  (Leslie!)  Kenny and I are the God parents to their children.  Our families are best friends.  Tony considers Kenny a brother and Leslie and I are like sisters and best friends all tied into one!

Tonight Kenny has youtube on the TV and we are taking turns picking out songs and singing with them.  Perfect fun and entertainment... and FREE :)  lol

Even tough he feels sick, he loves to cook so he made spaghetti and garlic rolls.

Spaghetti is waiting for me... my stomach is growling so I think I shall go eat!  :)

Sharing my heart's desire with You.

My heart is heavy.

I set out to be this amazing stay at home mommy and wife.  Gosh I sucked.  I won't even go there.  I'll jump to NOW.

My heart's desire:  To COOK for my family which I never learned how.  My mother never cooked so I never learned how.  I'm not sure where to star but...  I need to make that a big priority.  I wanted to rise early and have SOME FORM of breakfast on the table for my children.  At this time in my life there is no money  to make breakfast especially when they get a free meal at school and arrive in time.  BUT... my heart's desire is to have SOMETHING wholesome on the table and PRAYER before they head off into the world to face the day.  To give GOD my first fruits each morning while exhausted.  I have to learn to sleep better..getting in bed at an hour where I can wake up and serve them.  When I was with * the last year I DID get up and make breakfast for him at 5:30 a.m. DAILY even when I DID NOT WANT TO.  But I wasn't working at the time.

My heart's desire is to BE THERE.  BE HERE.  To be at their activities the way I longed for my mother to be.  To hold them when they are sick and clean up their puke and make them feel loved, cherished and help them get better EVEN if it means being up all night and having to have a nap the next day as they nap sickly.  I want to be PRESENT in their lives.. not always chasing the next thing.  Not always looking for the next way to GIVE THEM MORE STUFF.  I want to be the mother that I want them to become and the BEST and ONLY way I can help with that is to BE THAT FOR THEM.  and YES, my heart LONGS to be that for them.

I want to serve Kenny as a wife.  I want him along side the girls to have a clean home, good food he doesn't always have to cook... and clean clothes always waiting for him.  I want to pray with him and FOR HIM. 

Yes, I do SOME of these things but not nearly all.  I know I'll never be perfect but I want to AT LEAST be a work in progress.  I want them to see a mother/wife with a SERVANT'S heart.  I want to be a MARY - not MARTHA from the Bible and part of that comes with PREPARING AHEAD.  

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this but I just needed to.  I needed you to know my heart.  I needed to share it.  Somewhere along the last few years I let that fade.  I used to have Proverbs 31 MEMORIZED.  I think verse 10 might be where it starts about being a wife.  I memorized all of that.  Yet now I will need to memorize it again and that's okay.

I've been cleaning all day and last night and things are looking better and my heart is easing.

Today is about Keep Going!

Of course I was not able to finish off a messy house tonight.. so..

Today is about KEEP GOING!

So, I've been working and getting more laundry done and doing the main things that need to be done first.  The coffee table can now be seen!  :)  LoL!

It's just something that is a work in progress but the key is to KEEP GOING!

So I've worked and worked and now I am taking a break and seeking a blog that is about an every day Christian Mom just like me... 

Needing inspiration.

Serving my family

Earlier this evening I wrote about the oh so messy house and "Am I Enough?"

Well it's almost midnight and I have been relaxing and reading encouraging blogs for Christian mothers and doing laundry, dishes etc..  Doing what I can, when I can, as I can.. just as I stated.

As I said earlier, my husband being very sick, has been making sure dinner is cooked but as I visited the kitchen tonight hungry.. I saw that it was even messier than I realized.

How can he possibly be cooking dinner with nothing clean to even cook in?

It hit me.  He's washing dishes THEN cooking!

So tonight, I am trying to be a servant to my family.  (as mothers and or wives our FIRST mission is our OWN families, please, please never forget or question that)  

I am by NO MEANS bragging on what I'm doing.  I'm only doing what I am SUPPOSED to do.  But I looked in that kitchen and realized how much harder it is for him to make dinner having to first do dishes THEN cook.  He's very very sick and he's still making sure we have dinner.  Some of you may see that as my place but I've had a kidney stone and we work together so we share the household duties as well.  It is what it is...for now.

I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher to finally clear out one side of the sink.  I'm praying for the strength, no pain and he desire, quite honestly, to get it all clean so that when he wakes up in the morning he walks into a clean kitchen.  NO I'm not doing it so he will come and say what a wonderful wife he has.  (he says that when I'm at my worst)  I want him to wake up and have some stress off his shoulders.  Tonight I am not hurting so much so I am making the best of my time and while I start to grow weary in what I'm doing.. I'm seeking more Christian Mommy blogs to read to encourage me to keep going!

Please, let me encourage you ... Keep going.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  Just keep going.  One foot in front of the other.  One day at a time.  Will I ever arrive?  I doubt it.. but each day I pray that I will remember to be a servant to my family and to put them above myself and do what I can to bless them.  

My oldest has grown up and is off at college.  The next in line is 14.  I look at that and gasp!  I have 4 years left with her before she starts college.  She's one of my best friends EVER and in 4 years that will FLY by she will be spreading her wings!

Back to my point..  something helping me keep going is the knowing that I'm blessing my family AND reading other Christian mother's who are blogging about their normal, less than perfect lives.  Do you have any great blogs like that to share?  Do you write one?  Please comment and share.

I'm giving up on having the perfect house and the perfect ETC but I'm going to do my best for God and for my family... and I'm going to fall down but I pray I will always get back up again and keep going!

Am I enough?

Me - the mother of four... not to mention a wife.

A child of God, most importantly.

 

But, am I enough?

 

I look around.  I literally stepped on dirty clothes in front of "Mount Washmore" tonight as I started a load of laundry.  Just a year ago, it wasn't this way.  I had it "all together."

 

Did I have another baby?  No.  Was I working then?  Yes.  What changed?  I don't know.

 

I was stressing all the time - me and everyone around me that everything had to be just perfect.   You see, years ago I had a VERY messy house.  I made the decision that was NOT going to happen with "ME" again.  Yeah well -- I'm eating my words.

 

There are dishes in the sink... oh but let's not stop there - there are dishes on the counter beside the sink needing washed. 

 

I'm tired.  I passed yet another kidney stone last night.  But is that the reason the house is so messy?  NO!  It was messy BEFORE I got the kidney stone.

 

The Christmas tree AND decorations are STILL up.

 

Am I enough?

 

Deep breath.  Well, here's what I know - I'm God's child.  He loves me even at my worst.  I can't compare my life to all of those who at least SEEM to have it all together.  I've been in homes messier than mine is at this moment but I've FOR SURE been in many more that were much cleaner.  I have precious children.  They make BIG messes.  I make messes and so does my hubby.  We are LIVING LIFE. 

 

We have little money but we are making it.  My children obviously have enough clothing that "Mount Washmore" can exist and I can still lay out clothes for tomorrow.  I have to say we are BLESSED.  My husband and I work hard.  We love God, each other and our children FIERCELY.  My hubby is sick.  He's been sick.  Yet he carries on.  Just like tonight - cooking dinner.

 

I don't feel so great about myself tonight.  If you knocked on my door, I would not let you in.  I'd smile and say it was not a good time for visitors.

 

So what do I do?  Well, I guess I start with doing what I can as I can and not stressing myself or everyone else in the home about the messiness.  So is that enough?  Well, it's all I can do.

 

I'm hurting.  Once you pass a kidney stone, your kidneys and everything else are simply torn up from that little "cocklebur" looking thing having bounced around all in there and then passing through.  OUCH!  I have no pain meds because I passed it at home.  I went to my doctor today and because I passed it already - he can not give me anything at all to take and the ibuprofen isn't cutting it.  I'm doing the best I can... or am I?  I guess I always feel I need to do a little more.

 

Let's go back a year.  The house was almost always company ready.  It was clean, the laundry NEVER had more than one load and it was washed immediately.  OCD was in full effect.  I couldn't stand for the kids to make a mess without me saying again and again, "you know that has to be put back up perfectly when you are finished."  I'm sure that did not excite them in their creativity as I kept reminding them.  Sometimes I saw them just put it away... not even continuing to play.  Were we happy?  I thought so... but no.

 

We were living in "my little perfect world" I was trying so hard to create.

 

NOT GOOD.

 

So I share this to say - Moms - you ARE enough.  If your house is a mess but your children are happy and your family is in harmony with Jesus.  Be content.  Don't beat yourself up.  One day our children are going to grow up and all we will have to "clean up after" is ourselves and our hubbies.  That will be much more simple but much less fulfilling I think.

 

So let it go.  Just breathe.  Give yourself a break and do what you can, when you can, as you can.  Don't stress everyone in the house out about it all.  Let your children be children.  They grow up far too fast.  Let them see it's perfectly okay and normal not to have everything perfect.  Don't set them up to have the standard of everything being "just so."

 

Breathe.  Tomorrow will come and you can do more...

..... so can I.

4 of the new pics I took of Madi Grace :)

I had this beanie special made for her exactly as she wanted it.  I took over 100 pics so I took some without it that I will post later.  Here's one of my beautiful girls from Sunday afternoon.

This last one is my favorite so far with the beanie on.  :)

What do ya think?

I think she's beyond beautiful... just look at those blue eyes!!

She was blessed to get those from her sweet Daddy!

One Thankful Mommy, Cass

Leaving the social media circus that is facebook!

After many years of being on Facebook it was time to go.  It's time to leave those in my past just there - in my past.  Holding onto Facebook wouldn't allow that.  There was no way to go through thousands of so called "friends" on there and delete all that needed to go... so I left.

Was it scary?  Well admittedly I felt a little sad as I left... there are those I wanted to hold onto but then there were those I wanted to let go of me so a decision was made.  Time to go.

I only need positive, encouraging people in my life and I frankly don't need to know everyone's business nor want them to know mine.  Almost no one knows of this little blog.  Maybe 3 people that are from my past.  And they're worth holding onto.  The rest?  I have to let go. 

I have a huge biological family and just to delete them off there would have taken forever.  I need to escape the drama and crap that they reel me into.  So.. that's it.

Is there something holding you back from your peace?  Facebook was causing me to have less peace.  My peace is worth more than that.  God will bring those into your life that need to be there and sometimes as hard as it may be (family or friends) you just need to remove people from your life. 

Feeling free,
Cass